Fraternity Life: Exclusive or Inclusive?

So I have a few ideas for a proper policy with POP posting. But I’ve been in a retrospective mood lately so I will use a past incident in my life as the impetus of this post. Hopefully, you’ll read and give me your take.

When I was a college freshman, I joined a fraternity. Anyone who knows me knows I do not fit the typical frat guy mold. In fact, many people are surprised to learn I was even in a fraternity. I’m still shocked myself.

Anyway, when I was pledging, my pledge class had to throw a party at a club. As with any social event, we had to publicize it. Besides personally inviting our friends and making announcements at sorority houses, we also passed out flyers on campus to random students.

When it came to flyering for our party, my fellow pledges and I had different philosophies. They only targeted members of the student body who were hot or looked cool. I too gave out flyers to these Abercrombie & Fitch types. But, I also had a “invite everyone” approach.

In fact, I made it a point to give party flyers to those who did not fit the stereotype of who was deserving of a fraternity party invitation. The Star Wars t-shirt wearing engineer. Here ya’ go! The non-conformist, Goth girl . Welcome! The socially awkward econ-kid. Sure, you too!

Now there were grumblings from my fellow pledge bros. They questioned my flyering strategy. But, they didn’t stop me. So I continued to pass out flyers merrily to student from all walks of campus.

Then one of the more confrontational pledges called me out. He loudly complained, “Rich is giving out fliers to these rejects because he feels like he wouldn’t have been given an invite in the past.”

Truth.  And, I admitted it to him and the other pledges. I was a scrawny, politically-minded dork. In high school, I wasn’t eating lunch alone but I was never really part of the “in-crowd.” But here I was, in a position to invite people to a frat party, and I wanted to make those that are often overlooked feel welcomed. That was my idealistic motivation. Practically, I knew that we had an abundance of fliers we needed to get rid of and I was pretty sure none of these random kids would come. So I thought: No harm, no foul.

Confrontational pledge was mildly appeased but he was still concerned that my actions would hurt the fraternity’s reputation and make the party seem less cool.

I’m not sure if it did or it didn’t. But, I can tell you the party was a success. Plus, no one came wearing a Star Wars t-shirt!

What do you think? Were my efforts to welcome all people, especially those who are considered social “rejects,” cool? Or was my frat party an inappropriate venue to advance my personal agenda of breaking down the harsh social hierarchy of college? Did I put my fraternity’s reputation at risk? What would you have done?

Comments

[Francis Barraza]

I actually have a comment. I've known you since your time at UCI and beyond. It may seem weird to some people that you were in a fraternity but only if they stick to what is traditionally thought of as a fraternity. Yes, your fraternity had fun parties, good looking guys, jocks, hijinks etc.; but it had something else. Your brothers made a good habit of choosing quality young men of diverse backgrounds. Some other fraternities actually made me and my friends scared to go to their parties. Yours never did. So it does not surprise me that you would choose this flyering method and I think you only added to the good reputation of your fraternity.

[May]

Exclusive vs. Inclusive. Both words seem to have completely opposite meanings but yet they tend to collide together in my college/Greek system experience. I believe in welcoming all kinds of people, either you're "dorks", "geeks", "jocks" or "wha-cha-ma-call-it". And even though UCI is not a big Greek system school, I do believe each person can find a fraternity or sorority that he/she can be most comfortable with.
I applaud your flyering method. College is a time to grow. It's a time for self-discovery and to better prepare yourself in the real world.
Let's face it, can you avoid the "types" of people you don't get along or don't associate with in the real world? You absolutely can't! Instead of being exclusive, let's find the commanlities and embrace all differences.

[Alison]

I think a real, true effort to make a frat party an inclusive environment would involve approaching your frat brothers and having a chat with them about inclusion vs. exclusion and what the consequences are of these things (i.e. the social injustice that exclusiveness creates). Making an effort to be inclusive in your flyering efforts is useless if these "rejects" show up and realize they are not welcome and judging by the comments made by your fraternity brothers, my hunch is that these people would not be welcome. It might make you a nice guy, but it doesn't create any real change at the end of the day.

I am also a non-traditional member of the Greek community and the deeper I involved myself in this, the sicker I became of how exclusive this system is set up to be. In my opinion, as far as the Greek system goes, change has to come from within.

[FDR]

I vote inclusion. Id definitely take a dorky kid who has a good heart over the stereotypical hazer ultra jock type.

[Erika]

I think you did an awesome thing by liberally distributing the fliers. I too would not have been invited in my past, and truth be told, was often passed over by flier distributes while in college. (shh- don't tell anyone!) Plus, at any party where one needs to distribute fliers to get a crowd out, one doesn't really deserve to bet picky. If only more frat-bros thought like you, Richard, the world would be a better place. :)

[EconKid]

I'd only join a fraternity if Richard were in it.